God has been teaching me a lot lately about what it really means to trust in Him. He has called Jason and I to walk with Him to a new place but it requires leaving a lot of my boxes at the trail-head. I had a picture in my mind the other day that Jesus took hold of my hand and said to me “Come on let’s go!” And He started running, so I ran with Him and soon came to many hurdles (only in front of me-not Him). So here I am trying to jumps these hurdles and failing miserably. I’m tripping and falling and being half dragged because Jesus is still running. So I’m yelling “Jesus, slow down!” and He says, “why don’t you just run over here?” Jason heard Jesus tell him once that he (Jason) is worried about many things that He (Jesus) is not concerned with.
I am finding that this new place that Jesus is taking us is a parallel journey on the inside and the out. He is teaching me to take some of the more well known scriptures very seriously, such as; “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat…..what you will wear….how you will pay your bills–OK that one is not actually in the Bible, but it might as well be. He REALLY does have it all covered. “Seek first the Kingdom and all these things will be added to you” WOW, what does that mean? How do I do that? But you know, even a little desire to do that without any real understanding is blessed and all these things are being added daily.
Are times coming when we are going to need to know beyond any doubt that He will provide what we need; food, clothes, toilet paper? I think so. When, I don’t know. Security does not come in a full fridge, money in the bank, a paycheck each week, knowing that you can get it if you need it, eating organically (this is the newest thing on the chopping block). Are these things inherently bad? NO! Is my trust in them above Jesus bad? YES! Those things give a sense of safety but they fail us in the end. God is behind it all. God uses them to bless us but do we forget that it is Him handing it to us?
After almost two years of “living on faith”, I think maybe I am starting to feel a little bit comfortable here. There may be beans for breakfast, but there is always breakfast. There may be non-organic food gifted to us by family, but there is always food. There might be small increments of bills paid rather than the whole thing at once, but they always get paid. Miracles are not predictable but they always are there. Waiting for you to notice–He is always there waiting for you. He has not failed me in this journey, He has tried me, broken me, smashed my boxes, showed me that there is better in Him.